My story - Bullied for "Sounding Gay"

I was beaten and ostracized every single day my freshman year. Why, Because my voice made me "sound gay". I admit I wish I had a deeper voice, but I never knew how vicious people were until I moved from Arizona to a small town in Nebraska. Immediately I was perceived to be gay. I talked gay and so I had to be gay, right? I did not even know for sure at that time. I had been raised a nice Lutheran boy who was only supposed to think about girls and having sex after marriage. I was conflicted in that area, but I never overtly looked at guys. But, because of my voice, I would be pushed down, kicked, spit on, beaten, and stuffed in a locker (being 5'4" it was not hard) everyday. I began to think of myself as not good enough and that if i could just fix my voice to "their" standards, I could be normal. I truly lost my voice, so to speak, because I was so afraid to say anything. I tried gargling and even swallowing diluted bleach and ammonia in hopes of making my voice deeper. Of course that did not work. Neither did a long metal ruler down my throat trying to get to my voice box, to scar it. I was desperate. Suicide was so much a part of my thoughts during my freshman year, just to escape the pain, both physically and mentally. I have a scar on the top of my wrist where I cut myself an inch long vertically along a vein. I do not really think it was to die, but it was at a point where the beatings did not even hurt anymore. It was either die or show them I was worth something and could be beat on, but not beat down. My remaining high school years were thankfully spent at a Catholic High School.

Now, I am 41 years old and I can think of those days and the pain is still there, not of suicide, just of what it felt like. Today, I have Epilepsy and also a nerve disorder. I did not back then, but there are so many students with disabilities who are likely to be bullied. If they are LGBT, are they more likely to stay closeted about it for fear of being harassed or bullied because of their sexual orientation or gender identity also? Students with disabilities are bullied everyday, and it is not reported or ignored. Many do commit suicide and their stories need to be told too.

I am scouting a location for an anti-bullying crisis/peer support line where LGBT and Students with disabilities could call, IM, chat, or email about bullying. There will be peer to peer mentoring along with crisis intervention. No one's voices should be silenced and no one should be bullied to death.